Category: Punny Stories

It’s Ofisher, Aggie Football is onto Sumlin Else

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After a disappointing loss to UCLA in the season opener I wrote: “Aggie Football is Sumlin Else”. To follow-up on that post and provide an update of our current situation I decided to write: “It’s Ofisher, Aggie Football is onto Sumlin Else”. Consider this Part II….

It’s Ofisher, Aggie Football is onto Sumlin Else

What appeared to be an exciting era of Aggie Football after a promising Kevin-2 season back in 2012 has now moved on. Aggie Football didn’t quite aChief the success fans were longing and hoping for in the 2017 season. Not to mention, we Koda been sitting at an 8-4 season right now if we did Bruin our 34 point lead in the season opener against UCLA.

After our UCLA loss, we recovered a bit with Ford straight wins, Ratley[ed] with Bama, beat Florida (not sure what was in our Gatorade that game, but I’ll take it), lost the next two (I guess we were rather Tiger[ed] from the previous big victory), became a little Rebellious and won two in a row, and ended our swamp of a season with a loss to the LSU Tigers.

So this brings us to today. We have fired our coach and are targeting Jimbo Fisher. Did this come as a surPrice to Aggies? Absolutely not, fans are longing to move Fordward and have had all we can Watts. So being the good Ags we are, we went to the Banks, handed over the Mazzone, and said Thanks [to Sumlin for] giving Aggie football his best effort. Yessir, we sure did.

So now ladies and Re[gents], we wait patiently to hear Ofisher word if Jimbo is our next fearless leader of Texas A&M Football.

Gig ‘em!

Aggie Football is Sumlin Else!

Posted in Punny Stories, Texas A&M UniversityTagged , , 2 Comments

I don’t believe I have ever seen Aggies so quiet, so in disbelief, and so ready to go home than what I experienced at 7:30AM, Monday, September 4th, 2017, in LAX. Among the many Californians, families heading back home from the long weekend, and businessmen…. sat a gate full of Aggies heading back to Texas after a disappointing loss. To add insult to injury our plane was an hour late, there was a Bruin on board, and being the good Ags we are, we only brought maroon to wear home. It certainly wasn’t the same excitement that we had on the way over.

Now it sounds a little dramatic and is, but wow……we blew a 34 point lead. So when we finally boarded the plane, I pulled out my notebook and pen and began writing about Aggie Football. Of course I couldn’t just write any ole story….the media, fans, and critics already had that covered. So to tell my story I used Aggie Football coaches and players names, as well as a few other things Aggie related to lighten the mood and make it pun! Now this punny story is meant to be lighthearted, so don’t take it too serious. By the time we landed in Austin I was already looking forward to next Saturday’s game……that we better win….ha!  

So here it goes…

Aggie Football is Sumlin Else!

Ladies and [Re]gents, Aggie Football is Sumlin else. This morning in LAX TexAgs headed back to the Sutherland, defeated and disappointed after the Keaton we took under the lights at the Rose Bowl. UCLA(tely), it’s been hard to Watts Aggie Football. We have a good aMond of talent, spend a lot of Mazzone on coaches, and yet we don’t Starkel and shine. I just don’t know what it Buzbee, but you’re Kellen me Ags!

Fan are longing to move Fordward and Turn[er] the page on this era of Aggie Football. But we have Noel such hope after the way we started the 2017 season. So how do we aChief success? Well, a good Sharp would be to RUN THE BALL and Ratley around an aggressive defense.

As fans we need our team to get Mack on track because obviously we cannot Banks on a 34 point lead, and we ended up paying the Price. Losing like we did really Kirk[ed] and there’s a million things we Koda done differently, but sitting in the Conner and crying about really won’t help a thing it’s over and Don[ovan] now.

So I’ll leave you with this, I wish I had a Nicholls for all the headlines, tweets, and news stories that followed this heartbreaking loss.

Gig’em and on to the next one!

 

The one thing that we did win was of course halftime! Sadly, no further pictures of the game were captured after this. #WentDownHillQuick
Pretty cool place!
Prior to Kickoff
Best friends since forever!
A&M vs. UCLA 2017

Spoken Like a True Texan

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I wrote the story: “Spoken Like a True Texan” below using 50+ Texas towns and counties. All it is, is a play on words and I think you’ll find it quite punny! Enjoy!

Oh, and the picture above is my brother, Travis, and me back in the day when my parents were still character building so we had to create our own creative fun. That’s Fort Melvin in the background, designed and built by yours truly, under the direction of Trav, of course. That’s us standing out in front of it, on sand pile, next to a tree branch flag pole, holding up the Texas flag. ‘Merica!

Spoken Like a True Texan

I woke up Munday and realized Texas Independence Day is this week! A 181 years ago, today (March 2, 1836) the Texas Declaration of Independence was signed at Washington on the Brazos. So it’s a pretty imPoteet day and I’d be Lyons if I told you I wasn’t proud to be a Texan! Therefore, if you have Spur moment, grab a carton of Blue Bell, or some What-a-Burger, or a Shiner beer…basically whatever makes you Happy and enjoy my story: Spoken Like a True Texan.

To begin, I’m originally from Columbus. Most people have never Hearne of it before because it’s a small town and they initially think Columbus, Ohio. You’ve got to be Glidden me, do I sound like I’m from Ohio? My Columbus is located deep in the Hart of Texas just east of San Antonio and west of Houston right off of I-10. It’s a Plano town, but home to 3,600 of the nicest people where the kids are well Bee Caved…well for the most part 😉 Anyways, this story isn’t about Columbus, it’s about the great, great Lone Star State!

Point Blank, I LOVE Texas! From its history, to its geography, to the people, it is truly a unique place. You can have a Sweeny goodtime at the dancehalls, a blast riding the Ferris wheel at the State Fair, Dooalittle floating down the Guadalupe, Comal, or Frio river, watch Tye down roping at county fairs, follow the Bowies out the Gulf, eat some of the best BBQ (and Lotts of it), Converse over not just a Shiner beer, but a Shiner beer in Shiner, watch high school quarterbacks pass Diboll under Friday night lights, and much, much Moore…you get my Point!

Of Morse, I cannot forget about the endless fields of bluebonnets and other wildflowers that will pop up along the highway as Spring fast approaches. This year, we aren’t predicted to have a Coldspring, so those bluebonnets will start appearing in no time! Speaking of weather, a little adRice if you’ve never been to Texas…be prepared to experience all four season in one day! I’m not Mason with you, Texas weather is crazy. It’s not uncommon to have a Frost in March or 90 degree weather in December, it’s just the Norm…angee around these parts.

Now every Texans favorite place to stop on road trips is Buc-ees. I’m not too sure how to explain Buc-ees to those that have a Blanco look on their face, but I do know people are Bryan Beaver Nuggets like crazy and their restrooms are Barry clean! While traveling the state is definitely fun, we all would like to know when I-35 construction will be complete. That in conJunction with the daily hustle and bustle always creates Lotts of traffic and a convoy of 18-Wheelers. So don’t be surprised if you’re Hartley moving down highway 35, that’s just the Waco goes.

But let’s not talk about the negatives, Hempstead let’s talk about some of our Staple food and drinks, we have quite a Range: What-a-Burger, Shiner beer, Tito’s Vodka (really a lot of vodkas), HEB, Blue Bell ice cream (Byers just won’t do!) and numerous others. Are you beginning to Seguin why Texas is just Cool? I mean I could talk about Texas for Hays!

So in conclusion, I’ll Warren you, we many not be the most Humble, but I’m Kurten we are the friendliest….and Justin case you’re wondering, we don’t ride horses to work and school. So if you’re Pondering looking for a New Home and you’re Rankin your choices, go ahead and move Texas to the top or at least visit us on a Holliday break….we’ll Welcome you with open arms! Waller you waitin’ for!

(yes, my fellow hwy 290 east people, you caught me, that last one is on a Buc-ees billboard, just outside of well, Waller!)

I’ve Been a Fan of Alan Jackson Ever Since I was Little Bitty

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Anyone who knows me, knows without a doubt my favorite music genre is country and my favorite artist is Alan Jackson! I make everyone in the car, unless they are singing, stop all conversations when one of his songs comes on…because it’s the respectful thing to do. 🙂

Anyways, I wrote a story using 31 song titles that he either recorded, wrote and/or wrote and recorded about the moment I knew Alan Jackson was my favorite artist and why I still like him today! Enjoy!

I’ve Been a Fan of Alan Jackson Ever Since I was Little Bitty

I’ve loved Alan Jackson ever since I was Little Bitty. I Remember When my brother, he was just a Little Man, and I would run around the house, guitar in hand singing Tall, Tall Trees. We always had a Good Time performing jam sessions for the family and I’m convinced half the time they thought we had Gone Crazy. They probably Wanted us to take our show somewhere else, but they listened anyhow.  We have come a Long Long Way since then, but I still LOVE Alan Jackson, it’s just Who I Am!

I have every album he has ever recorded at Home from the 90s to bluegrass and everything in between and Don’t Ask Why, but I refuse to purchase digital downloads- I have to have the CD complete with liner notes. I know the words to every Alan Jackson song and If I Could Make a Living on reciting those lyrics I wouldn’t need Job Descriptions.

But do you know what I like most about Alan Jackson? When I read the USA Today he isn’t one of those celebrities I have to worry about seeing Who’s Cheatin’ Who because Where I Come From we don’t really care, we’re Laid Back and Low Key.

I agree with George and Alan that there has indeed been a Murder on Music Row because I’ll Try to listen to a new “country song” on the radio when I go for a Drive, but the whole time I think to myself, I Don’t Even Know Your Name and you claim to have Gone Country? Well There Goes 3 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back…just Another Good Reason to listen to Alan Jackson.

But, you won’t find me singing the Blues, Man because it’s 5 o’clock Somewhere and That’s All I Need to Know.

This story is a Work in Progress and has a Long Way to Go, but maybe Someday I’ll finish it. Until then they’ll be driving Buicks to the Moon the day I stop listening to Alan Jackson.

Update June 19, 2017: Today’s mail was fun! Looks like Alan Jackson approves of my pun filled blog post about him – day made!

Pun Times in Austin!

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Pun-Off- Austin, TX

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I love a good pun. Heck, 99% of my social media posts that include a picture are accompanied by a caption full of wordplay and well the titles to my blog posts usually have something to do with a pun as well. Corny? Well maybe if you ask my brother, but deep down I know he, like most, appreciate a good pun. After all, they’re punny! Well, about 3 years ago we had some family over at the house and we began discussing my fascination with puns and my aunt mentioned that she had read about the O.Henry Pun-Off World Championship that is held nowhere other than Austin, Texas each year around mid-May.  That was all I needed to hear, a pun-off world championship, not 80 miles from my house and I was sold.

However, finals were in full swing the Saturday of this competition and there was no way I would forgo my studies to attend it. Of course I was in the same predicament the following year and the year after that. However, by the time the third year of hearing of this event rolled around I was a senior and getting ready to graduate…my mindset was much different from my first and second year of college. It wasn’t that I no longer cared about grades, but I had a better understanding of balance and that there is a such thing as over studying. That brings us to today, I left my textbooks in College Station and headed to Austin for the highly anticipated O.Henry Pun-Off World Championship.

Go ahead make your jokes, but the creativity and the ability to think on your feet that the “punsters” exercised was phenomenal. The competition is held right downtown, a block off of Sixth Street and one would assume a great location for some characters. While the competition is certainly filled with nothing but characters, many of the “punsters” actually traveled from all across the United States and local competitors were pretty slim. The competition is broken into two parts, Punniest of Show and Punslingers.

Punniest of Show is a prepared “punny” story with a 90 second time limit. Each story had a theme that the puns were based on. For instance, one local competitor crafted a story using well known Austin landmarks, another told a story through US Presidents and another took full advantage of the Trump campaign….just to name a few! I’m not sure how many hours, days, or years it took to craft 90 seconds of whitty wordplay, but it was 90 seconds of pure cleverness.

The second part of the competition was the Punslingers competition. A pair of competitors were given a topic and each player in his turn had 5 seconds to deliver or begin delivering a pun and it was back and forth until one of the contestants failed to make a pun. Topics ranged from sports, to movie titles, to space travel and everything in between. After the first couple of rounds I really started to get into the mindset and flow of the puns. I begin mentally crafting my own puns based on the topic and I Strait killed the country music topic.

All in all, it was a great day and I anticipate attending once again! I’ll admit it was a bit on the corny side at times, but you cannot knock the wittiness of the “punsters” and their creative mind. For me, in addition to my personal fascination with puns it was also a great event for one who is about to graduate with a degree in marketing. Puns are creative and catchy and often times quite memorable because you have to actually think to catch the pun. Correct me if I’m wrong, but is that not the ultimate goal for marketers? Creative…catchy….and memorable, all tied into one! Just as the “punsters” were mindful of the topic, marketers have to be mindful of their target audience, once this is accomplished the creative, catchy and memorable puns or in marketing terms: slogan, brand name, tagline, product, etc. must follow to achieve total success. At the Pun Festival, the well thought out puns advanced to the next round, leaving the competition tongue-tied. Likewise, those with well-planned out and executed marketing campaigns surpass the competition.

Now it’s not like attending this competition was some educational experience that replaced the time I should have studying for finals, but it gave me something to think about and many ideas for future social media posts.

It was a pun day in Austin!